Hey there,

I have totally forgotten about this thing! Thats why I haven't updated. I guess this is what I used to be preaching about. Being to wrapped up in your own troubles to mind something small. Pathetic. Now a days, I am not the nicest, happy-go-lucky, chipper chick I used to be.

In fact I noticed that in the past while I have grown much colder and now theres no one closed to my heart. Well, execpt one. But I'm not going to go into details now. Now a days, I can't stand who I am but it's not like I can change overnight. I hate it when people call me "weak". Also, I re-fucking-fuse to go down without a fight.

Half of the time when you say something to me, you have to repeat it because I'm always out of it. Or the music's to loud. When I see people walk by me in school I judge them, in my head, of course. I say all these things that I long to tell people and bottle it up. Eventually, I am going to blow and it will effect all around me. I fear that day more than anything.

Manily I just wanted to see... well read how every one in the blogger world was doing. I check back sometimes and talk to you all later.

Peace, love
and sex,
Caitlin

~||XxX Life is nothing but ordinary. We cry to know were alive. We live to die. And yearn for more. Yet, there is nothing there. But, whats there to live for when all the tears are shed? All the emotions have been bled away. When we know were going to die. Why suffer this... Heartache? If everyone is so 'diffrent' from one another then why are we here? Why are we living this riddle some like to call Life. What makes us move one the way we do? These days. Even at the sanest. Are still mad. Our promises are just lies. Crying the tears that arent there. Wiping the blood pouring from under the sleeves. The beauity that was once there. Is now overflown with tears. My darling, there is no beauity in bleeding mascara. XxX||~

~||XxX Life is nothing but ordinary. We cry to know were alive. We live to die. And yearn for more. Yet, there is nothing there. But, whats there to live for when all the tears are shed? All the emotions have been bled away. When we know were going to die. Why suffer this... Heartache? If everyone is so 'diffrent' from one another then why are we here? Why are we living this riddle some like to call Life. What makes us move one the way we do? These days. Even at the sanest. Are still mad. Our promises are just lies. Crying the tears that arent there. Wiping the blood pouring from under the sleeves. The beauity that was once there. Is now overflown with tears. My darling, there is no beauity in bleeding mascara. XxX||~

crackas,

You MUST go and check out my Myspace webpage. Why? Because I said. Now bye bye!

http://www.myspace.com/razor666blade

NOW go there and live your pathetic lives.... Message me if you do have a Myspace account. Why? Because I said. Now, Im bored, in need of a shower, and i need to get some relief of the stomach ache I have. BYE!

Love, ME

Hey there,

Happy death to Turkey day!!!!
How the world today? I'm good, this could be better things could be worse. So how was my week your asking? Well it's only Thursday, so why are you asking? Well it was good a really good friend of mine, Greg, is leaving to move to his dads. Kinds sucks when a good friend is leaving. I think hes leaving because like I dunno I guess it's his attitude. He alreghty got suspended and got ISS. Strange, how people can chance over summer vacation. I'm not sayin' he was a saint last year but..... yeah.....

I'm kinda mad at myself because I read the date wrong on the HIM concert. I don't know how but I though it saud the 22nd and it was really on the 5th. Don't ask how that happned,.... It just did. Ahh I wont see them till 2007!!!!! Thats a looooooonnnngggg time for one you your favourtie bands. Good Charlotte is doin' their tour over in places like, Africa, Chilie, and places like that. I also need to call Holland I haven't seen her scince like..... a MONTH!!! Wow. No wait i saw her the other day when I was walking to my bus and she stuck her head out the bus window... and I threw a candy wrapper at her because it was sticky... Haha

Theres one new kid at my team now. He was in my 4th grade class. And I'm sittin' there in umm 5th perid goin' "Where have I seen him, come on concious, look. Oh yeah Taylor Evans from Mrs. Petersons class.... no wait Peterson was 3rd grade... thinking...... who was your fourth grade teacher.... Mrs....Mrs.... Levers!!! No...that was 5th AND 4th thats why!" and then I trailed off there.... I had some weird teacher names. OK heres a list of all the names of my teachers from 1st to 5th. It's weird that I remembered all of their names... well most..

1. Mrs. Christian
   
2. Ms. Dunt... I think it was.... it started with a 'D'
3. Ms. Peterson & Mr. Boone
   
4. Mrs. Leevers & Ms. Pasquarello
5. Mrs. Fichtemaier (she WAS Ms. Paswuarello she got married) & Mrs. Agapidis (greek teacher) and Mrs. Leevers

Creepy huh..... Well heres a story I wrote with my spare time.... like the one I wrote last time but this one is funny and its about a girl and a battle with the voice in her head.... its rather hiliarous...

Green = Voice
Purple = Girl

*Argh, today SUCKED!!*
*huh? Oh yeah it did*

*Were were you today??*
*I was riding a llama in the corfields of Peru*
*Sounds like you had fun. Fucking A my day fucking sucked, first i fell on my ass in the middle of the hall right infrotnt of Brandon. Second i fall asleep in English and get detention for like 4 days man this sucks*
*OH OH Break down time -dances- i like to move it move it i like to move it move it*
*What am i going to do with you????!!!*
*well the realestate lady is commin by today, im movin out*
*Great, so theres going to be more than one voice in my head??? God im goin insane*
*tsk tsk. I though i taught you better*
*OHHH MY SONG!!! *dose the compton ass terry dance- iall the pimps in the crip ma, drop it like its hot drop it like its hot .*
*And i though the world couldent get any stupider... here i was proved wrong.. -grabs TV remote- Hopefully, Jackass, Viva La Bam or Homewrecker is on... oh hey speak of the devil Jackass is on*
*aww thats wrong my llama loving companion???*
*your drummers new hair-do is freakin me out!*
*ahh ignore his hair ... HEY!!!! How come you didnt tell me Jackass was on!?!?!?!?!* *you were a little to busy*

And that my Sweethearts is all... sorry if i havent updated latley...

Hey there,

So hows the world today? I've been pretty sucky, just sittin on the comp listen' to B.F.M.V (Bullet for my Valentine) and F.F.A.F (Funeral For a Friend) And M.M (Maralyn Mansion) and just some hardcore metal crap like that. I kinda miss listen' to all my hardcore shit. Ive been listen to so much HIM that ive gone nuts so I'm just gonna take a break for a while, am I making any sence?

The faam is bein weid. Did i mention im over at my Uncles? Well this post and the lat one I posted on my Uncles comp. Better than my comp I don;t have sound on mine and it sucks. I miss skateboarding, I didn't bring my board with me :(. Or my guitar so I couldn't practice any songs for the cd!! My grandma took away my beanies!! I haven't been sleeping alot, like on and off. Sleep for like 30 mins then wake up for like 4 hrs. So over all the the past 2 days I've gottes like 5 hrs of sleep. My cus Adrianana is complaining so much. Remind me when I have kids to pray for a boy. At least I can tun him into a Bam Margera!

Adrianana reminds me of an elf. Shes like 3ft tall, blonde hair, and a SQUEAKY voice. And when she dosen't get something she wants she complains, crys, begs, dose what she can. I'm not saying I'm complaining or anything. Dose it sound like I am? Well cracka, I'm not. I'm just sayin' its annoyin'! The air show is this April. Ya know Air show = Naval Airplanes and crap like that intresting huh?

I'm bored and I guess thats all I have to say for now. Well I unno. I guess I'm just complaining because I'm just bored as all heck. Haha my Uncle thinks I cant type without lookin at the keyboard. I'm bored and my Uncles plaing Christmas muic right behind me and I cant hear my FAVE Maralyn Mansion song over it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he wont shut it of!!!!!!!!!!!!! I;m gonna go get my Maralyn Mansion cd blast it all the way up and drown out the world see ya!

TTFN ta ta for now

Hello There,

Well I'm having a good weekend.... so far. I've ben at my Uncles, so things are good. I've been listening to alot of bands I USED to listen to before I became such a big HIM fan. It's like when you focus all you attention to one band you kinda forget all the others. So latley i've been listening to: Love Lies Bleeding, Bullet for my Valentine, Atreyu, Underoath, Coldplay, Maralyn Mansion, Blink 182, The Used. And junk like that mostley Bullet for my Valentine. They're awsome! So yeah it's all good. Bored, tired, in need of a shower. lol, I unno what to say. Well I could talk about how my song writings going so far. I guess its pretty good, I have more plans for the cd well at least lyric wise. Like the last thing I posted up about the cd i decided not to do because its a load of bull crap. And it like I unno its like what Ville Hermanni Valo said (if you wached 'Bam Margera presents HIM youll know what im talkin about) like he said "Theres so much love in my life, its hard to be a miserable song writer when you unmiserable" ! And its the stinkin' truth theres so much love in my life that it is kind of hard to write depressing love songs when your not sad. You probally dont know what Im talking about but theres 2 people who know. And one of them dose, and thats a good friend of mine Britt. Shes awsome. She also got to meet Ville Valo! Im glad they HIM is a DOWN TO EARTH not stuck up rockstars... Well I guess thats all I have to say for a while. Until I get home and up-date there TTFN ta ta for now!

Eveliina.

Hey there,

So whats up people? I had a good week, of course it's Thursday and all. But we don;t have school on Friday a.k.a Nov 11th! I know Im stupid sometimes. Well my Uncle Sean came over, hes an awsome uncle. We lost yesterdays hockey game it sucked. I was mad, as always! Apparantley my new nick name to 'Manda (my sister Amanda) its Capitan Emo now, I dont know why. It just is. I dont know what to say really so i feel like just posting some pictures up.:

Hey there,

I had a pretty booring weekend, blah blah blah. So on and so forth, I talked to my Grandma, my aunt got a well I dont have any clue what so ever how you spell it, its like that think where you get some organs taken out... It starts with an "H". I think. I also got the adress to where my Uncles jail is. I really miss him even though I don't know him all that much. And thats not a good thing either. Well enough about my personal life! Well, hmmm I cant wait until the HIM concert! Its on November 22 and it's $23.22 so I really have to save up my money! Its at Jannus Landing so my mom said she'll see if one of her work friends can take me. I forgot her name but my mom said she was a REALLY big HIM fan, and that her and her husband or boyfriend may take me with them ( I dont know if shes married or not so yeah). Oh yeah! Our Winter Concert is on December 7th and I have 7 pieces of music to learn!!! Hmm the music is, Up On the Housetop, 1st Rockin' Christmas, Hanukkah song, Prestige March, Cymbals Simon, Christmas March, and Mary Ann. So yeah, I can't really say it's easy but I can't say it's hard because I'm one who REALLY knows that if you practice you get better. I guess it's a family thing.

I also listen'd to a really good song a while ago and now its like my new fave' song and its called "Pitiful" by Blindside. I'll post it up on the 'Songs' part of my blog thinger-dinger. It's a really good song it's like screamo though. But do I care, no. Oh crap! Science projects are comming up to, I plan on doing I don't remember it had something to do with battries, i think. I have to ask my teacher now!!!... hmm..... Rawr, I'm a dinosaur. Haha that was random. I guess. Well I;m getting really good in math now, I guess thats also good. I managed from an F to a B. HEY! That is good. Welp (my vocabulary) Heres my Christmas list:

• Tony Hawk's American Wasteland.
• My Chemical Romance "Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge"
  
• From First to Last "Dear Diary, My teen angst has a body count"
• HIM "Deep Shadows and Brilliant Highlights", "And Love Said No, Greatest hits 1997-2004"
• And a Ville Valo poster you can find over at www.hottopic.com
  

Well thats it for me. Until next time TTFN ta ta for now!

Eveliina (my nickname i only go by that now)

Hey there,

I just finished reading a REALLY good book called, In the Forests of the Night, by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. It's about a 300yr old Vampire, a powerful one, named Risika, who will remain to look as fresh as a 17 year old. Changed against her will by Ather her blood mother. Risika , who sleeps in Concord Massachutess *sp?* by day and is hunting in New York by night. Risika being one of the most powerful Vampires recieves a message from Aubrey, the same message she recieved 300 years ago one the eve of her mortal death as Rachel. The "message" or so should I say gift she recieved 300 years ago was the same kind of black rose she recieved on her pillow when she had killed one of Aubrey's servants on his own land. Now all Vampires know to now hunt on one anothers land for it is apposed of a threat. and blah blah blah ill finish it later.......

heres some weird thing that I wrote I didn't pay attention when I was writing it that I had no clue what I was writing. I was just pouring out what was going on in my mind and heart out onto a piece of paper. Its kida like a story anyways its cool. I call it: fuck! What did I name it umm.... I dunno but here it is! its like a guy is talking to the girl (I like to call them Romeo and Juliet) about starting to love again and it has a TRAGIC ending but ill write my own version of Romeo And Juliet later on in my life probally tomorrow! ^-^ or tonight ^-^ See ya and enjoy bitches! (Feel free for agressive swishy arm movements)
Pinkish/Purple: Juliet
Dark Blue: Romeo
Blueish: whats happening when theres no dialoug *sp?*

*You never loved me*
*You never gave me a chance*
*Why should I?*
*I know this is tearing you inside but just give me a chance*
*A chance for what?*
*A chance to let me love you, a chance to take your pain away, if only for a few moments*
*I'm sorry, I just cant.. I don't want to get hurt anymore, im just scared of all this*
*So what, will you shut me out and act all of this ever happen'd?*
*it's alot better than getting hurt, I don't think I could survive if you broke my heart*
*I don't think I could either*
Silentley crying the both stood there under the moon light
Silentley griving for your loss of love
But maby, it could bloom...
This lost love
Could grow on both of them
*Will you just try... just say it, just once*
*I love you, but I can never allow my self to be in love with you*
*You could if your tried*
*I'm tired of trying*
*Things aren't going to just happen. You have to work at them darling*
*How is this going to work?*
*We'll just have to live time as it is, fate is fate, Love only knows what is going to happen. You just have to work with it and let go of the past and live the future as it is sweetheart*
** love you**
As the rain poured down, the two just gazed into eachothers crying eyes, and met in a firery passionate kiss until only a pair of bright lights could only be seen. Blackness soon took over Romeo & Juliet, as the driver was too drunk to realise what happned and soon hit a patch of smooth ice and toppled over a hill and the body nor the car was never found

The two had died together in eachothers arms, knowing Love would bring them togeter in death for an eternity. When Love and Death Embrace. Together in Life and Death.
Hearts were ment to be broken by love.


So how was it? I just though it was pretty cool. I had finished it before I realised what I was writing, hehe. *Hey guys please dont drink and drive. I know you have heard it thousands of times before, but help stop it and drink responsibly**This was deticated to all the people who were in love and lost their life to drunk drivers**

Tiger! Tiger! Burning bright,
In the Forest of the night,
With immortal hand or eye
could frame thy fearful symmetry

In that distant deeps or skys,
Burning fire of thine eyes?
On wings dare he aspire?
What hand dare he seize the fire?

And what shoulder and what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? And what dread feet?

What the hammer?
What the chain?
In the furnace was thy brain?

What the anvil?
What dread gasp?
Dere it's deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did He smile His work to see?
Did He who make the Lamb make me?

Tiger! Tiger! Burning bright,
In the forest of the night,
What immortal hand or eye,

Dare frame thy fearful symmetry.

William Blake

Hey guys these are just some.... SONGS! did I not tell you I was wrighting songs now! hehe
Here is the track to the songs on my cd. well like DEMO cd and yeah ...... well like the song track thingamagityboo:

1. Me against the world.. Me against myself.
2. Love in a heartbeat
3. They dont love you, you spoiled bitch.
4. Indication of a Laugh
5. The Truth **
6. Vampires will never hurt you, who said I was a Vampire?
7. if you love something set it free if it comes back it was ment to be. If it dosent it just wasent.
8. And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
9. Haha! By the time your done reading this song title you wouldent of realised it dosent say anything you dumb fuck! {<-- actuall name of song so ya know]}

**= a song that i covered in this case Good Charlotte's The Truth.. i got the singing i need to learn piano.

At the end of the world,
Or the last thing I see,
You are,
Never comming home,
Never comming home,
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the things that are ever gonna scar me
Never comming home
Never comming home.

Everything starts as an idea, a vision.

The worst sentence in the world is: "We need to talk."

Well I got over writers block. So I'm not going to be posting much stuff either, because I'm writing some new songs for my cd in the near future. Either in late 2006 or early 2007 I'll be all done with it and MIGHT be looking for a Record lable. Sire records is the one I wanna be with. But hey I'm still young.

Sweethearts im not going to be writing for a while because I have the worst case of Writers Block, and I'll write up some things when I get over it my lovleys.


Sincerley,
Me

Hello sweethearts,

I had my dance today and I has somewhat of a good time. Like me an my old friend form 4th and 5th grade, (named Shawn) were figthting earlier (in the year not at the dance) and we made up, I was happy. And the funny thing is, is that I wore a sexy short blue sparkley dress that went up to my knees and it like criss-crossed in the back and tied in the back it was sexy. Anywho when I saw shawn he just looked at me like I was the hottest girl on earth and like he was like" hells yeah high five!" and I was like "yeah i know I'm hott!" and walked away and continued my night. Things didn't happen between me and Kevin, I was kinda expecting him to comment me on my dress because every one else was just shocked! But I had to keep my other friend Greg from punching out his ex-g/f because of some "relationship" issues from 5th grade . Any who I had to chase him around so he wouldent. And after like 25 mins of chasing him he finnaly sat down in the other room( not the dance room but the place where the food is: no food in the dance room!!!) He'd said hed stop and I did believe him so I took him by had just to make shure and he like twisted it, hmm like in a game of "Mercy" it hurt so bad. And my other friend ( i have alot of friends.. oh wait theres more) Gabe was like staring at me when I walked in, im like "dont ya wish you were still going to the dance with me!" he OBVIOUSLEY couldn't hear me. I was just kinda bummed out until we did the Cha-Cha Slide!! I AM THE EFFIN MASTER AT THE CHA CHA SLIDE!!!! (to the left,.... take it back ya'll cha cha now!! oh you know how it is) And Ciara's 1,2 step came on, and it was a good time. I was dateless but hey I had fun. I also learned two(2) things tonight.
One is: Live every days as if it was your last 'cause one of these days it will be.
And: A kiss blown in a kiss wasted. the only true kiss is a kiss tasted.

See you my lovleys,

Me

Hello my darlings,

I've been rockin' out to HIM latley. I'd like to thank them for helping me make it through this rough 2 and a half years. Well Sweethearts I dont have much to say, latley I've just been posting some pics of HIM and thats it. I'll also get arund to posting up some 69Eyes stuff. Love's I really dont have alot to say, honestley! Shocking isen't it?

Well see you all soon my loves.

from top left: Mige, Linde, Gas
From bottom left: Burton (hes so cute sometimes)
Ville Valo (god i could die in his green eyes)

This is by far my fave song by Tapio Rautavaara. BEWARE IT IS IN FINNISH

Sininen Uni

Joka ilta kun lamppu sammu
ka saapuu okea yo
niin nukku-matti nousse
ja ovehen hijaa lyo

on silla uniset tossut
ja nilla se sipsuttaa
se hiipii ovesta sisaan
ja hyppaa kaapin taa

ja silla on uninen lakki
ja sininen, uninen vyo
ja usista jaatelon palaa
se pienilla hampailla syo

ja silla on sininen auto
ja se auto hyrra nain
surrur, surrur ja lahtee
unen sinisra maataa pain

ja pieni sateenbajarjo
on avian kallellan
ja sinista inien kirjaa
se kantaa kainalossaan
ja unien sinimaahan
se lapser autoa vie.

surrur, surru ja sinne
on sininen, uninen tie.
ja siella on kultainen mesta
ja metsassa kultainen puu
ja unien sinlintu
ja innulla kultainen suu
ja se unien sinilintu,
se lapsa tuudittaa,
se lailaa unisen laulun,

la-la-lal-la-lal-lal-laa

Hey guys im not feelin so well latley so I feel like posting some pics of my all time Idol, Ville Hermanni Valo and im gonna post up is biography from Http://Heartagram.com ((just so ya know where I got it from))






Ville:
Instrument: Vocals, HIM.
Birthday: 22.11.1976
Sighn: Scorpio
Brothers/Sisters: Mige & Linde
Pets: Gas & Burton
Favourite film: Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas
Lucky Number: 0
Favourite city: Necoropolis
Favourite dish: Body of Christ
Favourite drink: Blood of Christ
Special Intrests: 1980's, Mige's photography, The Orgin of the Blues, Easters Eurpean Folklore, Enochan, Malleus maleficareum.
Idols: Gene Simmons, Edgar Allen Poe, Rauli Somerjoki, Clint Eastwood.
Best song ever: Sininen Uni by Tapio Rautavaara.

<--- Ville Hermanni Valo. ^-^ I could drown in his beautiful green eyes.

Romeo and Juliet, are together in eternety.

Come on baby dont fear the reaper.

I usually hate cartoons but hey this cartoon is pretty P.I.M.P! its called Fosters Home for Imaginary Friends. And this guys name is Bloo and hes awsome.:

I can't see your sad face in your pitiful lies. I don't have the strength to carry out your heavy loaded life. *~*His Infernal Majesty, Ville Valo*~*

I thought this was the funniest thing ever. I took a quiz to see that "dysfunctional" care bear I am and heres what i was:

These are just some random "Love" quotes if that what you want to call it.

I cant see your sad face in your pitiful eyes, I dont have the strength to carry your heavy loaded life.

I feel despair holding our hearts again.

Every second you dident wake up was like hell to me.

Life is but a dream for the dead.

Love dosnt love anybody

Trust is a word all lovers know

We were lovers, we were kissers, we were holders of hands.

Leaving behind hopes of a better love

I dont need a sympathetic smile.

Nothing could ever be perfect, but some things could come close...

I woke up from that fantasy we all love to believe.

one word:

OKTOBERFEST

Heres just a random poem that I need to put (or post) on something before I forget it. this is how I view many guys and this is just my onest opinon on how I see the "male race"



I wach him paint his heart red
I know within in another second
We'll both be dead,
Looking around this cold cringed room
I see intoxicated angels with sorrow
Bringing grief to the grave
Hiding behind this door people will never see
The truth lying dormat within me
Yet every day I let out a sigh of relief
just to be glad.
Hiding behind the gates of Heaven
I am having second thoughts.
With hell freezing over in our eyes
At least I never say the tears you cried

I am a pitiful cold hearted bitch. No. no dont say otherwise. 'Cause I am. I had to tell Steven (the kid i was going to the dance with) that I wasent going to the dance with him because Kevin asked me (the kid that i have a really good feeling about.) I feel like shit


the one and only Casino, cant play this deck of cards ya'll

Currentley listing to: H-I-M "Dark Light"
Current mood: Feeling like shit/ Pissed of a.k.a Not happy

Yup you gussed it, another booring week at school! Well we did go to the YMCA!
And like 50 or 60 kids went one day and 50 or 60 kids went on Wendsday(the first went on Tuesday.) I went on Wendsday and it was a blast although i was scared to death that I was going to fall on the cargo net. You had to climb yo this big net that was on the other side of the rock wall. (my arms hurt to much to do the rock wall but I did do it!!!) The rop hurt my legs to much scince I was so stupid and decided to wear shorts insted of capris! So I had rope burn. But anywho once you got up the cargo net you had to walk acrost this bridge thing like 50ft up in the air and no no no no it wasent any old brifge it had like 4 planks and they were like 3 and 2 feet apart. So i was kinda scared but one I got accrost the lady told me "as soon as I hook you up I just want you to do it and dont think about it just jump." and im like "holy crap!!!!!" and I clung onto the rope. When when i say jump i dont me suicidal jump!!!! like it was a ummm ZIPLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and mad i was just like "HECK YES!!!!" and yo go over this swamp thing and my teacher Mr. Nichols was just like, "dude that was awsome" cause like right in the middle of the zipline i flipped over and did it upside down(sounds kinda wong!!!)

So I had a blast on Wendsday (10/5/05) but Today(10/6/05) no no no no, God just wanted me to have a sucky band day. What ever it is im doing wrong in band my Band director keeps saying we might have to look at another instrument and im like "what ever it is to keep me in band." 'Cause i cant get the right pitch on slide position 6 or note C on the Bass clef (Trombone.) Like I may not practice alot but when I do I get so mad when some one just walks out there and not noticed that I am practicing!! What do i need to do put casio sighns and billboards up so people know that i am practing!!! I will do that if i have to.


Well im looking forward to a good Friday and I'll post up again either Tomorrow (10.7.05) or on Sunday (whats the date) or on Monday!!

The one and only Casino, cant deal this deck ya'll!

P.s Casio is just my nickname my other one is Charlotte so I'll say either one of those!

See ya and have a great weekend!!!!

Currentley listing to: H-I-M- Dark light (9/27/05) check it out ya'll!!
Current mood: Content

So i have my school dance on Thursday. And I asked my friend Steven and he said yes. But earlier today I talked to Kevin (ya'll kno the story and if ya dont its a long ass one) and his friend Evan. And Evan said Kevin was definitally going to ask me so I dont know like I want mrperdie to give me some advice because she always gives the best advice (so far that I know of). I dont know if Kevin dose ask me should I just go to Steven and be like " hay sorry I can go with you to the dance because the guy that I like so much asked me." But I cant do that because Steven is my friend and wait a minute. If Kevin wants to go with me sooo badley he would of asked me alreghty.... right?

So the new H-I-M cd came out Internatitonally it came out 9/26 but in U.S it came out in 9/27! And I just got it the other day and im going to make a bet with my friend to see how long I can leave it in my cd player until I get sick and tired of it. But H-I-M is my favorite band and Good Charlotte right next to them. Sooo my B-day is comming in on January and I dont know what to get myself!!!! Lol! I just want 3 t-shirts a movie, a book, 2 black beanies(skater/snowboarder hats.) a cd, and a new pair of head phones necause the ones i have only one side works and its annoying when im on the bus and trying to listen to muh new H-I-M cd!

I have been a little annoyed about the whole "fairy tale" my heart keeps telling me is true. Im still playin the part of Cinderella, and every time i get close to meeting my prince at the ball, the evil old stepmother tells me to stay home and scrub the floors and clean up after Lucifer(cat)!

HOLLOWEEN ((did i spell that right?)) im being jack skellington......... awsome

That is the fucking airplane ((jet)) that i want to fly, STEALTH BOMER!

LOOK AT THE FROGGIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna take all tears the you've ever made me CRY and fucking DROWN you in them

I'm Holding onto a dream,
That will never come true.

You Never loved me,

You never will,

But even so....

I love you still.

Love me.
Hate me.
Take me.
Break me.

You never stopped to try to,

Save me

I took this from Mr. Lostandlonley35. I thought It was awsome so yeah.

Within myself I hide away. Each broken dream sithin me stays.
Alone I cringe frozen and dead. While pain runs rampant in my head.
The world forsakes me but i still fight. The lonley keeper of the night.
I hide away and love just one. But still I fight and still I run.

This is such an incredibley (XOdont blam me for the spellingXO) song that it has demed worth to be put up on Helsinki Vampires insted of the original Songs page.

HIM ' Dark Light'

Shivers run through the spine
Of hope as she cries
the poison tears of her life delight
in the raven black night
Holding hands with

Dark Light
Come shine over all stars tonight
And blind
All fears that haunted you
Your smile
Dark Light

In oblivious garden
The bodies of fire
Writhing the warmpth of angel devine
To learn how to die
In peace with her heart

Dark Light
Come shine all over the stars tonight
And blind
All fears that haunted you
Your smile
Dark Light

Not all scars show
Not all wounds heal

Sometimes you cant always see the pain some one feels

IM A GLACIER!!!!!!!

Your love will be the death of me

Hey fellow Vampires (for me fellow emo kids),

Well I Dont know whats going on between me and Kevin. I have never been so confused in my life, like I dont know what to even say to him on Monday. But I hope he's going to be there, I do but I dont. Well other than that I changed my Black Widow page to just Songs so as you can guess I'll be posting some songs up there.

Well I have to re-makeup my bant test the one I got a 65 on. And we have another test on Wendsday. I don't have alot to say so I'll type what ever comes to mind. Life is hard. I want to say sorry to Kevin but I have no reason to necause I'm afraid that if I say sorry, he'll make every thing my fault. Well I guess I have to reason with this. Ya never know.

I've been lising to HIM (His Infernal Majesty) latley. Well only one song called 'Poison girl' I dont know why but I am in love with that song. IM SO FUCKING HAPPY!!!!!!!!! THE NEW HIM CD ID COMMING OUT SOON!!!!!!!!!!!! Its called 'Dark Light' Rawrrrr! Thats going to be an awsome CD! I have been drinking the same red bull can for like 7 hrs. Its funny. Well Im going off to checl out some other blogs so see yall later!

Im going to just post up some pictures so what ever!

I took Ms. Perdie's advise and went for it. He dosent want me, and I now realized that I dont want him now like as I said about the song like you want to tell every body and your afraid that the song wil be the big hit well ya know what happned to I dont need to tell you. I guess that I'm now playing the roll of Cinderella but I have no prince so theres a part of me missing. I'm shure you know what I'm talking about but if you dont, you'll know someday. Well I guess it's like they say 'Theres no smoking in bars and soon no drinking and no talking!" Sorry I had to cheer myself up! Well I got a 65 on my band test! I'm proud but as long as I know I could of done better I'm going to retake it on Monday so I hope I do better. Well See ya later

I've always wondered what hurts more,

Saying something and wish you diden't

Or not sayin anything at all?

HIM is the best!!!!!!!!

Hey crackers,

today sucked as usual. I have no clue how in hell I am going to pass my band
test tomorrow. I want to play the French horn *inserts french horn sound* But I play the Trombone *inserts Trombone sound*. Hehe I kno I'm a dork, I love lamp *inserts lamp picture*. I cant wait until the new HIM cd comes out! its called Dark Light you can head over to myspace.com/heartagram to hear their new single ' Rip out theWings of a butterfly' and 'Behind the Crimson door' you kniving little cows can also hear an so called 'Exclusive HIM message all it says is; it says _____________ (band players name: has any one figured out who it is i cant hear) From HIM we are shooting in LA and having good time, excllent time and hope you have it too.' My personal fave is Rip out the Wings of a butterfly *inserts Rip out the wings of a butterfly video or mp3 i dunno wich one it is but ill post it at the end of the post!*. today in 5th period we had to write a poem and I wrote a thank you poem to my pillow! here it is:

Thank you, dear pillow.

You were there for me when times were rough,
Thank you

You have always been there soaking wet when I cried,
Thank you

I always whant yo be with you where ever I am
Thank you

You were always there for me to help me fight back,
Thank you

You where there for me when the whole grid of power went out,
Thank you

I would do anything for you, as you have done for me
Thank you

You were there for my sister too,
Thank you

And now all my gratitude will go to you in the end,

Thank you, my dear pillow.

Life goes on.

You have to take the good with the bad,
Smile with the sad,
Love what you got,
And remember what you had.
Always forgive but never forget,
Learn from your mistakes,
But never regret,
People change,
Things go wrong.
But just remember Life goes on!

To See what we have never seen,
To be what we have never been,
to shed the cryasalis and fly,
Depart the earth, kiss the sky,
to be reborn, be some one new;
Is this a dream or is it true¿?

Can our future be clearley shorn,
From a life wich we're born?
Is each one of us creature free--
Or trapped at birth by destiny?
Pitty those who believe the latter.
Withut freedom nothing matters.

The book of counted sorrows-

This is to someone that I really dont know but I feel like I can relate to what he writes in some ways and I think that you kniving little bastards should go check out his webpage blogger thinges at: Lostandlonley35.blogspot.com . His stuff will really make you think twice shure as hell made me. And I dont know who hes wrighting about but I think I get get though. Mr. lostandlonley person this I thought about all day and think you should read damnit!!!! That or pretend you did and leave a comment to make me feel better. All this just came into my head and then after it I read your comment and checked out your blog and just thought I should right this down and dedicate it to you.

To be someone who was never seen before,
To be running from the fears i've never had,
To be crying the tears that arent there
After all the pain and suffering I put myself through
and now you're not even there.
So now Im just going to stop pretending that your here
I worst battle i'll ever fight is the one within my head
I know I could choose to end this now but we'd both be dead
Sorry I dont do regrets
This life is mine to control
No bitchins not alowed.

All the pimps in the crib ma
drop it like its hot
drop it like its hot
drop it like its hot

When the pigs try to get at cha
park it like its hot
park it like its hot
park it like its hot

If a nigga* get an attitiude
pop it like its hot
pop it like its hot
pop it like its hot

Oh oh oh oh im a gangstag but yall knew that fo shizzle. srry im a big Snoop dog fan.


* all indications with '*' means srry for the language

Hold me like you held onto life, when all fears came alive and entombed me. Love me like you love the sun schorching the blood in my Vampire Heart.

Atreyu 'Rite side of the bed"

I can see her now
Dancing around, her drink in hand
All her baggage in tow
I just want to fucking let her go
Of all the joy, and all of the pain
I took all your guilt and placed it into me
And now I kiss it good bye
Out last dance ended fatal

Who's sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?
Have you ever cried so hard,
Baby you just died

There she goes again
Another masquerade in hand false circumstance
She'll fuck you just for the taste
I wish I could just replace all the meomories,
Of what makes my blood run cold,
And as your blood flows through me
I say good bye to what we had,

She came and went
I gnawed through my lip
Make-up smeared in her eyes
Each sob's a reason to say goodbye,
Sometimes when your holding on
You can never see the light

With flowers in her hair
I gazed apon with a dead lovers eyes,
She never lookes so good and i never felt so right
(she never looked so good)
And i never felt so right

Whos sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?
Have you ever cried so hard
Baby you just died

Whos sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?
Have you ever cried so hard
Baby you just died.

The coldest kiss loves heart is death
Your kisses are just lies sealed with fake happiness
I've fought so hard to believe
I've tried so hard could never be,
I gave it all, just for you and you had to lie to me the whole time,
And now its hard to believe any thing Well, thats it, I even heard you say it, you even had the fucking nerve to answer the phone when she called,
You say you want me back but I know I'll never be able to go back
Now heres what I say; Go a FUCKING head go and be with that kniving little bitch who stole you from me
Heh one day you'll loose her like you lost me, now all I have to say about you is Bitch. Your heart turned to stone.

Heres a song thing that is made up of a bunch of songs and poems smashed together so basically YOU GET THE DAMN POINT!

Here I am pacing around this empty house again,
Its a new day, but it all feels old,
Its a good life, thats what im told,
Im never gonna hear the words you say,
Your so predictable.
LIAR,
Im sick of writing
im sick of writing every
Im sick of writing ever song
Im sick of writing every song about you!
I used to know, the soud of a smile in your voice,
Im tired of singing outside your window,
Some say that time changes, best friends can become straingers.
If you just say with me we can make it through,
Im only complaining to keep myself busy,
im only complaing
im only complaining to keep
im only complaining to keep myself busy sweetie!!!!
I wish I wasen't blaimng you
but I'm sick of
im sick of writing every song about
im sick of writing every song about you
You dont know what you do to me every time you walk into the room,
Every one i meet they all wanna
know why im so broken
why am Iso cold why im so hard inside
why am I scared
why and I afraid
I dont even know
'cause this story never had an end
I've been waiting I've been hoping
I've been dreaming you would come back but
I know the ending of this story
your never coming back.
Never.

every thing in this little poem/song whatever you wanna call it comes from some songs and crettio to: Good Charlotte. The songs that 'contributed' were, Predictable, Say anything, The Anthem, Ghost of you.
the other things that are in there are from 'head Taking back sunday' ill post the whole thing up in about 5 minutes. the head taking back sunday thing. p.s that was the longest no second longest poem/song ive ever written. Ill think ill make it into a screamo/emo-core song.

Enough you kniving little bastards with the damn picures! I am now recentley getting into poetry, not just wird happy poetry but the poetry that wants to make you run home and cry to your little mommie and daddy. Let alone the fact of nothing. Bye bye